goodness. its friday already.. how fast time flies.. another week just over like that.. i dunno.. i'[ve been feeling quite funny all weekk.. ever since i saw my english results.. i dunno whats wrong with me. how can i fail? i'm like living in a daze. i'm really scared of how badly i'll get scolded.. and how idsappointed everyone will be in me.. even i'm disappointed in myself. really really disappointed.
i seem to stone even more now adays. i can walk to the fridge and leave the door open while i stand there staring.. then after a few mins i wonder what i'm doing.. then close the door again. then when i study.. i dont know what's gone into my head or not.. i just seem to look up from my tbk and stone for a while before looking back at it.. i guess it'll be good for me to start going back to kap to study.. at least i have frens there to remind me to concentrate. yeah. i need that alot now.
claire says to refocus back on god.. ask god to straighten out my life for me.. but its so hard. whenever i ask that.. i will somehow seem to fall away again.. then come back.. then go away..its just a vicious cycle. and i really really dont want it that way. i want an organised life.. to be happy and pleased with myself. not disappointed and looking down on myself. whats really wrong with? i feel so depressed and out of sorts lately.. i've been feeling this alot.. but superficially. i guess not huh? i always seem alright.. i dunno.. i kinda realised this after stoning so much. heh. its weird.
i dont want attention. i wanna be left alone for now. just sticking around my close frens. to talk only if i need to. study for the sake of my own good. to please god and my family. to rewake from this stone age. i dont wanna say much anymore. i'm underconstruction. yeah.
a shout of praise.
11:35 AM
